I bet he comes in French.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize