He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
