why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
