people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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