Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
