my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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