Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Your dad touched me again.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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