this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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