We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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