You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
