Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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