and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can I color on your dick again?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
