i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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