I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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