it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
