I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
