Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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