Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
