Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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