Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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