that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You ate ashes out of my bong
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
