I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
