I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
