Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
