So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
