I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
