Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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