genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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