so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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