Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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