So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
