You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
