and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
