So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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