He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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