first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
