I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
