Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
