I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize