You're so nebulous sometimes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
