...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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