Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
