you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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