hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
