I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
