the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
