did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
