all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
