every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize