Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
