It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
