ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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