Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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