So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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