evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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