OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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