My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
