I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
