Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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