What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
