Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
