No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
