There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
