i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do herpes really smell.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
